My Story: My Mom And Me
One of the most impactful experiences of my life came in the care-taking of my mother during the last ten months of her life. In addition to the devastating physical deterioration caused by cancer, my mom’s mental functioning had left her like a two-year old. She was unable to do anything for herself. She thought I was her mother. She clung to me and was uncomfortable when I was out of her sight.
When my mom had the mini-stroke that took away her ability to live on her own I was just completing a three-year struggle to rebuild my own life following a brain injury. There I was, 49 years old ready to take on living my own life for me for the first time and now I had to be my mother’s parent round-the-clock. I felt cheated and very angry. I resented having to put my life on hold yet again⎯indefinitely. (I did not know she had cancer then. To me this was the ultimate unwilling sacrifice that could last many years.)
I was having a pity party. My life was all about me and how I was affected. No matter how I looked at the situation all I could see was how unfair it was to me, how cruel the timing was.
Perhaps the greatest wisdom anyone ever shared with me was a simple line, ”It is never about you. It is always about the other person.” While the words came from a salesman teaching how to make sales, the message instantly changed my world.
I thought about what it must be like for my mom, this amazing woman who had run all three of her boss’ businesses to single-handedly raise my brother and me at a time when women did not work outside the home. In that moment, and for the rest of her life, I felt only love, honor and respect.
I held her and hugged her all day and most of the night for the last three months of her life. I did everything for her. I was completely drained. Caring for my mom was a physical and emotional challenge of unfathomable proportions. Those three months taught me the true meaning of unconditional love. Caring for my mom was one of the greatest gifts of my life.
Remember I said gifts come in unexpected forms? On two separate occasions during those last three months, my mom had long periods of being completely lucid. I was talking with the mom I had known all my life⎯up until her mental state shifted at age 80.
We had the most meaningful conversations we ever had in those precious moments. We said everything we needed to say to each other so all wounds were healed and my mom could leave this lifetime knowing how much she was cherished and I could live my life knowing I did all I could do for her and, more importantly, she was aware of that truth.
In those two moments, where time seemed to stand still, I learned another invaluable lesson: the soul is always perfect and intact. The soul is omnipresent. Regardless of the physical or emotional or mental state of the human being, the soul knows exactly what is happening. The person may not be able to communicate. The soul that is the True person always knows all there is to know about that Divine spirit.
We are really Divine Beings having human experiences. Even through all that horrific suffering, I knew my mom’s soul was at Peace. I am grateful for that knowing, for that present.
Now I live my life being in service to others, no hidden agendas or expectations. I am free to love people just as they are and just as they are not. Now I really understand that people are here to work together to create our world. In every encounter, we are at once teacher and student. We each have much to offer. We also have much to learn.
When my mom had the mini-stroke that took away her ability to live on her own I was just completing a three-year struggle to rebuild my own life following a brain injury. There I was, 49 years old ready to take on living my own life for me for the first time and now I had to be my mother’s parent round-the-clock. I felt cheated and very angry. I resented having to put my life on hold yet again⎯indefinitely. (I did not know she had cancer then. To me this was the ultimate unwilling sacrifice that could last many years.)
I was having a pity party. My life was all about me and how I was affected. No matter how I looked at the situation all I could see was how unfair it was to me, how cruel the timing was.
Perhaps the greatest wisdom anyone ever shared with me was a simple line, ”It is never about you. It is always about the other person.” While the words came from a salesman teaching how to make sales, the message instantly changed my world.
I thought about what it must be like for my mom, this amazing woman who had run all three of her boss’ businesses to single-handedly raise my brother and me at a time when women did not work outside the home. In that moment, and for the rest of her life, I felt only love, honor and respect.
I held her and hugged her all day and most of the night for the last three months of her life. I did everything for her. I was completely drained. Caring for my mom was a physical and emotional challenge of unfathomable proportions. Those three months taught me the true meaning of unconditional love. Caring for my mom was one of the greatest gifts of my life.
Remember I said gifts come in unexpected forms? On two separate occasions during those last three months, my mom had long periods of being completely lucid. I was talking with the mom I had known all my life⎯up until her mental state shifted at age 80.
We had the most meaningful conversations we ever had in those precious moments. We said everything we needed to say to each other so all wounds were healed and my mom could leave this lifetime knowing how much she was cherished and I could live my life knowing I did all I could do for her and, more importantly, she was aware of that truth.
In those two moments, where time seemed to stand still, I learned another invaluable lesson: the soul is always perfect and intact. The soul is omnipresent. Regardless of the physical or emotional or mental state of the human being, the soul knows exactly what is happening. The person may not be able to communicate. The soul that is the True person always knows all there is to know about that Divine spirit.
We are really Divine Beings having human experiences. Even through all that horrific suffering, I knew my mom’s soul was at Peace. I am grateful for that knowing, for that present.
Now I live my life being in service to others, no hidden agendas or expectations. I am free to love people just as they are and just as they are not. Now I really understand that people are here to work together to create our world. In every encounter, we are at once teacher and student. We each have much to offer. We also have much to learn.
posted by Ali Bierman at 2:58 PM
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