My Story: My Mom And Me

One of the most impactful experiences of my life came in the care-taking of my mother during the last ten months of her life. In addition to the devastating physical deterioration caused by cancer, my mom’s mental functioning had left her like a two-year old. She was unable to do anything for herself. She thought I was her mother. She clung to me and was uncomfortable when I was out of her sight.

When my mom had the mini-stroke that took away her ability to live on her own I was just completing a three-year struggle to rebuild my own life following a brain injury. There I was, 49 years old ready to take on living my own life for me for the first time and now I had to be my mother’s parent round-the-clock. I felt cheated and very angry. I resented having to put my life on hold yet again⎯indefinitely. (I did not know she had cancer then. To me this was the ultimate unwilling sacrifice that could last many years.)

I was having a pity party. My life was all about me and how I was affected. No matter how I looked at the situation all I could see was how unfair it was to me, how cruel the timing was.

Perhaps the greatest wisdom anyone ever shared with me was a simple line, ”It is never about you. It is always about the other person.” While the words came from a salesman teaching how to make sales, the message instantly changed my world.

I thought about what it must be like for my mom, this amazing woman who had run all three of her boss’ businesses to single-handedly raise my brother and me at a time when women did not work outside the home. In that moment, and for the rest of her life, I felt only love, honor and respect.

I held her and hugged her all day and most of the night for the last three months of her life. I did everything for her. I was completely drained. Caring for my mom was a physical and emotional challenge of unfathomable proportions. Those three months taught me the true meaning of unconditional love. Caring for my mom was one of the greatest gifts of my life.

Remember I said gifts come in unexpected forms? On two separate occasions during those last three months, my mom had long periods of being completely lucid. I was talking with the mom I had known all my life⎯up until her mental state shifted at age 80.

We had the most meaningful conversations we ever had in those precious moments. We said everything we needed to say to each other so all wounds were healed and my mom could leave this lifetime knowing how much she was cherished and I could live my life knowing I did all I could do for her and, more importantly, she was aware of that truth.

In those two moments, where time seemed to stand still, I learned another invaluable lesson: the soul is always perfect and intact. The soul is omnipresent. Regardless of the physical or emotional or mental state of the human being, the soul knows exactly what is happening. The person may not be able to communicate. The soul that is the True person always knows all there is to know about that Divine spirit.

We are really Divine Beings having human experiences. Even through all that horrific suffering, I knew my mom’s soul was at Peace. I am grateful for that knowing, for that present.

Now I live my life being in service to others, no hidden agendas or expectations. I am free to love people just as they are and just as they are not. Now I really understand that people are here to work together to create our world. In every encounter, we are at once teacher and student. We each have much to offer. We also have much to learn.

So What Is Conscious Living?

Most people go through life accepting what comes their way. They believe that life just happens. John Lennon spoke for many people with his lyric, "Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans." Mighty disempowering thought. The thing is life is what you create it to be. Your belief system can be changed if you want to change it. The way to change your beliefs is to change your daily living patterns, i.e., your life style. One way to powerfully uncover your hidden beliefs about yourself and see your view of the world that keeps you stuck in monotony is to ask yourself questions. Health and happiness natually follow once you become the master asker in your life

Creating happiness does not involve a "how-to" system as much as it involves a "wake up and live" a conscious life style. Everything that exists in the world starts as thought. Every invention was first an idea in someone's imagination. Every action you take or fail to take was first something you thought about. Thought creates the world. Thought creates each person's individual world. What you think about events determines how you respond to events.

Imagine how differently you would experience each day with the knowledge you have control over how you respond to life events. What happens happens. Interestingly, in Japan there is one word that means both crisis and opportunity. The same event is a disaster to one person and an opportunity to another. How you choose to act or not act is up to you. Period. Life was never meant to be difficult. People, with their thoughts, make it hard or easy. How do you see life? Do you know that struggle is optional?
Ask yourself why you stay stuck in mediocrity or even worse?

Pay attention to your thoughts.. Stop and ask yourself what you were thinking when you experienced a certain emotion or reacted a certain way. You will uncover your unconscious way of life. When you experience the same events make a conscious choice to act differently. Ah! That is how simple it is to be in control and live on purpose. Life does not simply happen to us. Life happens to us exactly as we choose to experience it.

This Is Your Life

When you set goals and write them down, when you write and speak affirmations too you do not necessarily move your life forward. The reason is simple: you can only be what you allow yourself to be as defined by your self-image.
If you make an affirmation or set a goal that your self image says does not fit for you then you waste your time and energy, In fact, you actually weaken yourself simply by thinking such thoughts.
Real change is only possible when you alter your self-image. How do you know what your self image is? Look at your life. The people and events that compose your world are there because they reflect who you are in the world. Like attracts like. Want to attract different people? Want to attract and live different experiences? You gotta become the kind of person who attracts those people and those experiences.

Only conscious living allows your self-image and therefore your self esteem to change.

Nuclear Famiies

Once upon a time families included grandparents and aunts and uncles—you know extended familes. The concept of the nuclear family of mom, dad and the kids is relatively new. With this modernization of the family picture came loss—of companionship, know-how from people who had already raised kids, a listening ear and smiling face, someone to hug the young parent when the work just gets overwhelming. Heck, just being able to step out of the house for a few minutes knowing your child is not alone inside—all of that got lost when families shrank to parents and their children.
And so life became even more challenging. Parenting experts sprang up in the form of medical experts, like Dr. Spock—people who never had kids giving advice to mothers and fathers! Come on!! Does that make any sense at all? Can there really be a way to raise kids that is one size fits all? I don’t know. What do you think?